Identifying personal boundaries

In my last post I had shared my experience of learning to set personal boundaries. There were more things I felt I could have shared and that was also the feedback I received to elaborate more on boundaries.

But why so much important to boundaries you ask ?

Well, there cannot be healthy co-existence without healthy boundaries. It is a highly important aspect of yourself which makes you love yourself more and the world around you more authentically. Not acknowledging your boundaries is not acknowledging various aspects of your own self. This opens a gateway for abuse. Whether it is others abusing you or you abusing yourself or you abusing others. Lack of healthy boundaries is toxic.

So, how does one identify if we have healthy boundaries or not ?

Well, if I can simply put it into 3 categories , Rigid , Healthy and Weak boundaries , these are the typical traits we can see in ourselves

Healthy: You have healthy boundaries if you:

  • value your own opinion as equally as you value others’ opinion
  • don’t compromise your values for others even if it is your close family and friends or spouse
  • appropriately share personal information about yourself evaluating the context and the people
  • are accepting of others when they say no to you

Rigid: You have rigid boundaries if you:

  • avoid intimacy or close relationships with people
  • usually don’t ask for help
  • have very few close relationships
  • may seem detached
  • distance yourself to avoid rejection

Weak: You have weak boundaries if you:

  • over-share personal information
  • have difficulty saying no to the requests of others
  • get over involved with other’s problems
  • tolerate abuse or disrespect

In my experience these traits are contextual. As in , our boundaries may differ in different areas of our lives. We may have very weak boundaries with children and rigid boundaries with parents or weak boundaries with close family and rigid boundaries with colleagues. I personally have had very weak boundaries with friends , family and pretty rigid with colleagues at the early 2 3 years of my career.

Identifying and categorising how your boundaries are gives clarity on where you need to work on. I would like to share a quote from one of my tarots and it goes like this..

“Saying NO and having clear boundaries is a spiritual act. The most loving and compassionate people are those with the clearest boundaries”

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